Through all the ups and downs of the past few years I have met with a professional on occassion to help me cope. Her name is Rose and I met with her again this week and we talked about acceptance. Let me be very clear, acceptance does not mean giving up. It means trying daily to be OK with life as it is today.
I don't like how I look. It's a very hard thing to say outloud and it is a really hard way to live. She asked me to talk to myself as I would talk to a friend. It went something like this...
"Kris, I can't stand how I look. I am trying to eat right, exercise, make healthy choices and still I haven't lost a pound."
Now....what would I say to a friend.
"You are being too hard on yourself. Think of all you have been through. Is there something I can do to help?"
Did you hear that...by offering to help, am I telling my friend that I think she's right.
So many things came to mind during this talk we had.
I have often said that if someone calls me and wants to be sad or mad on the phone, they must know that I am going to offer them ideas and options. Bill has tried to tell me that sometimes people just want to vent, to let it out and have someone be on the receiving end. I've replied back...if that's true, then I am sure they have someone else they could call. By offering a solution, by trying to provide a brighter side or by making lemonade out of lemons what are my actions telling my friend. Guess what friends...I may have become a more compassionate listener today.
The other thing that came to mind when we met was that somewhere, sometime in my life I became goal oriented. I have a hard time going through a day or a week without a plan and if I don't have a plan I feel as though my actions have produced nothing. Nothing got done. On the flip side, I learned that if I have goals and I decide that I will keep working toward that goal no matter how long it takes, am I missing out on everyday joy because I am focused on the expected result?
So back to acceptance...each day I am trying to accept who I am today. I am going to continue to feed my body healthy things and I am going to move (exercise, activity, etc...), and I am going to give my body the rest it requires, and breath deep breathes from my belly and I am going to be grateful. If in my list of things I am grateful for a negative things comes to mind, I will write that down too and then follow it up with that negatives direct opposite. There is an outcome to all of this and it is beautiful.
More to follow...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
37-40 and other updates
37. Each night before you go to bed, complete the following statements: I am thankful
for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life, so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. May your troubles be less. May your blessings be more. May nothing but happiness come through your door!
Well, there we go...40 ways to improve 2009. I hope you found one or two things that will be helpful to you. I wish you happiness, always.
and other updates -
I saw Dr. Cohen last week and we agreed that this is where we will stay. We are not going to try any new drug combinations. We are going to stick with the drug cocktail that I am taking right now. My disease is still simmering but that is better than boiling. I will still have to balance my activities and for now, I am going to love being active with my family and leave the races and finish lines for others. It is time to start teaching myself to measure success in ways that don't include a finish line or the right number on the scale. If I am only going to be satisfied when I get there, I am going to miss out on an amazing number of experiences and the joy, laughter and smiles that come with that.
One of my favorite quotes is "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."- Marcel Proust
On Saturday afternoon I met a woman who has been diagnosed with polymyositis. It's been almost three years now and it finally felt OK to do this. Ginny and I met at the Cheesecake Factory and spent nearly three hours getting to know each other. I've had more experiences with doctors and prescriptions than Ginny has had so far and it was really nice to be able to share what I've learned and support her at this time. We met knowing that we had something in common (myositis) however, after just a few minutes I found out that Ginny knows my mother-in-law as their paths crossed while Pat was working for St. Johns in the activities area. Later in our conversation I found out that Ginny is good friends with Pastor Odden (the pastor that married Bill and I) and then I found out that Ginny goes to church with one of the men I work for. What a small, small world.
Here's how I got to know Ginny....
The Myositis Asscociation has support groups set up across the country called KIT groups. KIT stands for Keeping In Touch. Wisconsin did not have a KIT group and Ginny and I were both interested in attending a meeting so together we are going to get a group up and running in the state of Wisconsin. I have also signed up to be an ambassador for the Myositis Association. My responsibility will be to help/support someone who was recently diagnosed. It's a scary disease, and it's still scary for me but I certainly feel better about it now than I did three years ago.
New topic:
I have to tell you how my "gentle cleanse" turned out. I cheated on day 1 and nibbled on some ham while I was making dinner for the family and I ate a piece of Pizza Hut Pan Pizza that was in the refrigerator that day too. The rest of the week (until Saturday) I was doing great and feeling good. I was not feeling deprived. I didn't feel like I was missing anything and then came Saturday night. I ate movie theatre popcorn, took a bite of Jake's ice cream sandwich and from there I went downhill. And then came Sunday....OUT OF CONTROL. Once I admitted I was out of control I gave myself permission to stay there and enjoy the whole day that way. Guess what happened!!!! I got a giant zit on my chin. I ached more than I have ached in weeks and I did not feel good.
Monday I decided to start over again. Just like last time around, I cheated. I ate ice cream from the carton (it was Kopps Turtle Custard). Today, I feel stronger. It's 3:11 in the afternoon and I haven't cheated.
YIKES... I have to go and pick Emma up from school and take her to piano.
I'll write more later.
Thanks for checking in on me...
klb
for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life, so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. May your troubles be less. May your blessings be more. May nothing but happiness come through your door!
Well, there we go...40 ways to improve 2009. I hope you found one or two things that will be helpful to you. I wish you happiness, always.
and other updates -
I saw Dr. Cohen last week and we agreed that this is where we will stay. We are not going to try any new drug combinations. We are going to stick with the drug cocktail that I am taking right now. My disease is still simmering but that is better than boiling. I will still have to balance my activities and for now, I am going to love being active with my family and leave the races and finish lines for others. It is time to start teaching myself to measure success in ways that don't include a finish line or the right number on the scale. If I am only going to be satisfied when I get there, I am going to miss out on an amazing number of experiences and the joy, laughter and smiles that come with that.
One of my favorite quotes is "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."- Marcel Proust
On Saturday afternoon I met a woman who has been diagnosed with polymyositis. It's been almost three years now and it finally felt OK to do this. Ginny and I met at the Cheesecake Factory and spent nearly three hours getting to know each other. I've had more experiences with doctors and prescriptions than Ginny has had so far and it was really nice to be able to share what I've learned and support her at this time. We met knowing that we had something in common (myositis) however, after just a few minutes I found out that Ginny knows my mother-in-law as their paths crossed while Pat was working for St. Johns in the activities area. Later in our conversation I found out that Ginny is good friends with Pastor Odden (the pastor that married Bill and I) and then I found out that Ginny goes to church with one of the men I work for. What a small, small world.
Here's how I got to know Ginny....
The Myositis Asscociation has support groups set up across the country called KIT groups. KIT stands for Keeping In Touch. Wisconsin did not have a KIT group and Ginny and I were both interested in attending a meeting so together we are going to get a group up and running in the state of Wisconsin. I have also signed up to be an ambassador for the Myositis Association. My responsibility will be to help/support someone who was recently diagnosed. It's a scary disease, and it's still scary for me but I certainly feel better about it now than I did three years ago.
New topic:
I have to tell you how my "gentle cleanse" turned out. I cheated on day 1 and nibbled on some ham while I was making dinner for the family and I ate a piece of Pizza Hut Pan Pizza that was in the refrigerator that day too. The rest of the week (until Saturday) I was doing great and feeling good. I was not feeling deprived. I didn't feel like I was missing anything and then came Saturday night. I ate movie theatre popcorn, took a bite of Jake's ice cream sandwich and from there I went downhill. And then came Sunday....OUT OF CONTROL. Once I admitted I was out of control I gave myself permission to stay there and enjoy the whole day that way. Guess what happened!!!! I got a giant zit on my chin. I ached more than I have ached in weeks and I did not feel good.
Monday I decided to start over again. Just like last time around, I cheated. I ate ice cream from the carton (it was Kopps Turtle Custard). Today, I feel stronger. It's 3:11 in the afternoon and I haven't cheated.
YIKES... I have to go and pick Emma up from school and take her to piano.
I'll write more later.
Thanks for checking in on me...
klb
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