Well, today has been a roller coaster. This morning I shared with my branch my decision to step down as the Branch Executive Officer of the Historic Third Ward location. The decision was incredibly difficult because the joy and rewards I receive from that job are countless. The people are wonderful. The clients are great. The neighborhood is full of energy and excitement. I will miss it terribly. OK, that's the bad. The good is that PyraMax Bank found a way that I could continue to add value to the company. As of October 1st I will be working part time (no more than 20 hours a week) as a Floating BEO. This will provide me the opportunity to continue to do what I love, working for a company that believes in me (and I in it), and put an additional 10 hours a week toward improving my health.
Now, speaking of my health....my doctor appointment scheduled for October 2nd took place today because the symptoms that cause muscle weakness and achiness in my neck and arms was becoming more of a concern to me and I didn't want to let it go another week. If anything was going to need to be changed I wanted to do it now instead of three days before Bill and I jet off to Las Vegas for a weekend together.
The physical/strength exam that my doctor performs immediately indicated a weakness in my neck and arm muscles. The lab results will not be back until tomorrow or Friday but she bumped up the prednisone to 20 mg, bumped up the oral chemotherapy (azathioprine) from 2.5 tablets to 3.5 tablets a day and gave me a prescriptions to soften the side effects of the prednisone. "Take that and call me in the morning" Just kidding. She will see me in a month or on a needs basis as determined by me.
Dr Cohen is a great doctor. She was very pleased that I changed my appointment and saw her today. She prepared a statement for me to carry with me when I travel so that if for any reason I would end up in an emergency room those caring for me would have a basis for treatment. Speaking of emergency rooms...I mentioned to her my desire to consume a fantastic glass of wine with my wonderful husband as we dine at DelMonicos in Las Vegas on Friday, October 5th (our 11th wedding anniversary). I needed assurance that all the medical warnings about eliminating alcohol consumption wouldn't ruin our honeymoon and land me in the emergency room. She assured me it would not though it would show up on my next liver tests but that would be OK this time. Her personal prescription was to enjoy the time away.
Well, that's it for now.
Thanks for checking in.
"The priviledge of a lifetime is being who you are." - Joseph Campbell
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Reason #2
Reason #2 why I do not like taking prednisone....
It feels like it takes over my emotions. Sadly it's not the happy emotion or the giddy emotion but it's the bitchy one and it seems to jump out at Bill for no reason at all.
He just looks at me and says in such a kind and caring voice..."What's wrong?" or "Are you OK?" and something takes over and I snap at him. "I'm fine" or "nothings wrong". The truth is nothing is wrong. I don't know why he asked. What did I do or say to indicate something was wrong.
Do you think I should caring around one of those "quiet please" signs from the golf tournaments that says....BEWARE PREDNISONE AT WORK.
Well, if you see him remind him how much he is loved and that it's not me that's barking at him it's the drugs.
Now, if I bark at you or am short in a conversation, please don't think twice about it....just know I am not myself right now but as Arnold the terminator says..."I'll be back."
OK, I thought I was done. But all of a sudden I find myself wondering why it was so easy to tell you about the side effects of this drug and not Bill. Did I just figure it out while I was typing? He's at the pet store with the kids. I will call him and let him know right away.
Communication...with a friend, a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a relative, an employee... is so important. Just think how crappy we would all feel if we expected someone else to just know what we are thinking or whats going on with us.
Talk to those you cherish. Tell them how you feel. If you don't they might never know and you might never know what would have or could have been.
Good Night.
Kris
It feels like it takes over my emotions. Sadly it's not the happy emotion or the giddy emotion but it's the bitchy one and it seems to jump out at Bill for no reason at all.
He just looks at me and says in such a kind and caring voice..."What's wrong?" or "Are you OK?" and something takes over and I snap at him. "I'm fine" or "nothings wrong". The truth is nothing is wrong. I don't know why he asked. What did I do or say to indicate something was wrong.
Do you think I should caring around one of those "quiet please" signs from the golf tournaments that says....BEWARE PREDNISONE AT WORK.
Well, if you see him remind him how much he is loved and that it's not me that's barking at him it's the drugs.
Now, if I bark at you or am short in a conversation, please don't think twice about it....just know I am not myself right now but as Arnold the terminator says..."I'll be back."
OK, I thought I was done. But all of a sudden I find myself wondering why it was so easy to tell you about the side effects of this drug and not Bill. Did I just figure it out while I was typing? He's at the pet store with the kids. I will call him and let him know right away.
Communication...with a friend, a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a relative, an employee... is so important. Just think how crappy we would all feel if we expected someone else to just know what we are thinking or whats going on with us.
Talk to those you cherish. Tell them how you feel. If you don't they might never know and you might never know what would have or could have been.
Good Night.
Kris
Sunday, September 23, 2007
The ups and downs of prednisone
OK, I followed doctors orders and took my first 10mg of prednisone on Friday when I got home from work.
Number one reason why I don't like it came to be around 12:00 midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning...My body is tired and my head is wired. I could not fall asleep. I read, I snuggled in with the kids for a little bit and watched them sleep, I read some more, I watched TV, I prayed that I would fall asleep so that I could get up and go to work in the morning and have a fun weekend with my kids.
I did not fall asleep.
I got up and was at work by 7:45 AM however, I couldn't make it until noon and had to excuse myself shortly after 10:00 AM. Of course, now, in the middle of the day when I want and need to be active, my brain is ready to rest and my body is in full agreement. Thankfully I work with a wonderful group of people who excused me with their blessing and held down the fort until the branch closed at noon.
Now, that was a down...let's see...what's the upside?
Well, it's taking me awhile to think of something. I'm more comfortable. My arms don't hurt as much and last night I was able to fall asleep and sleep through the night. Another good thing...I only have to take it once a day, in the morning, so my body will adjust to it's effects much more quickly.
Here's the deal...there are things in our life we can control but their are also things in our life that we have to let go of and let God take over. At the same time making the most of each day and what we are given.
In church this morning a family friend who keeps up on my blog said she really enjoys reading it. I am appreciative of her kind words and shared with her that it's therapeutic for me to sit and type about how I am feeling and what's going on with me. It's a lot easier than telling someone face to face or talking about it daily.
Maybe one of the reasons I have been met with this challenge is to help other people with the challenges they need to face.
It has definitely made me look at my life a little differently. If you ever find yourself feeling down and out make a list. Write down a bad thing followed by a good thing, bad thing, good thing, and so on...If your good things don't outweigh the bad things, call me....I'll help you out.
Have a great week.
Kris B
PS- How about those Packers and Badgers? What a great weekend to watch football!!!!
PSS - I had a wonderful weekend with my kids and my family.
Number one reason why I don't like it came to be around 12:00 midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning...My body is tired and my head is wired. I could not fall asleep. I read, I snuggled in with the kids for a little bit and watched them sleep, I read some more, I watched TV, I prayed that I would fall asleep so that I could get up and go to work in the morning and have a fun weekend with my kids.
I did not fall asleep.
I got up and was at work by 7:45 AM however, I couldn't make it until noon and had to excuse myself shortly after 10:00 AM. Of course, now, in the middle of the day when I want and need to be active, my brain is ready to rest and my body is in full agreement. Thankfully I work with a wonderful group of people who excused me with their blessing and held down the fort until the branch closed at noon.
Now, that was a down...let's see...what's the upside?
Well, it's taking me awhile to think of something. I'm more comfortable. My arms don't hurt as much and last night I was able to fall asleep and sleep through the night. Another good thing...I only have to take it once a day, in the morning, so my body will adjust to it's effects much more quickly.
Here's the deal...there are things in our life we can control but their are also things in our life that we have to let go of and let God take over. At the same time making the most of each day and what we are given.
In church this morning a family friend who keeps up on my blog said she really enjoys reading it. I am appreciative of her kind words and shared with her that it's therapeutic for me to sit and type about how I am feeling and what's going on with me. It's a lot easier than telling someone face to face or talking about it daily.
Maybe one of the reasons I have been met with this challenge is to help other people with the challenges they need to face.
It has definitely made me look at my life a little differently. If you ever find yourself feeling down and out make a list. Write down a bad thing followed by a good thing, bad thing, good thing, and so on...If your good things don't outweigh the bad things, call me....I'll help you out.
Have a great week.
Kris B
PS- How about those Packers and Badgers? What a great weekend to watch football!!!!
PSS - I had a wonderful weekend with my kids and my family.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Simmering Disease
Good evening,
This week has been tough.
Maybe because Bill traveled this week but I had help from my sister, my neighbor and my mom so I don't think that's it.
Maybe because I pushed my physical limits last weekend.
Maybe because my disease is simmering.
I have been uncomfortable for most of the week. Sometimes for no reason I feel a little dizzy. Today I had some pain in my arms and now that old familiar feeling of wet sand has returned to my arms. I continue to think tomorrow I'll feel better but today I realized a call to the doctor was in order. She said she has been watching my lab work and the muscle inflammation number went from borderline one month to slightly above where she's comfortable seeing it and she believes my "disease may be simmering". Today she put me back on prednisone. Just a low dose of 10 mg a day but I really didn't want to have to take it again. I have an appointment to see her and have additional lab work done on October 3rd. It will be at that meeting that we discuss and/or decide what the next step is.
Well, I am going to rest my aching arms.
Thanks for checking in.
Kris
Here's my quote for the day: "A hero is no braver than an ordinary person, but he is brave five minutes longers." -Ralph Waldo Emerson-
This week has been tough.
Maybe because Bill traveled this week but I had help from my sister, my neighbor and my mom so I don't think that's it.
Maybe because I pushed my physical limits last weekend.
Maybe because my disease is simmering.
I have been uncomfortable for most of the week. Sometimes for no reason I feel a little dizzy. Today I had some pain in my arms and now that old familiar feeling of wet sand has returned to my arms. I continue to think tomorrow I'll feel better but today I realized a call to the doctor was in order. She said she has been watching my lab work and the muscle inflammation number went from borderline one month to slightly above where she's comfortable seeing it and she believes my "disease may be simmering". Today she put me back on prednisone. Just a low dose of 10 mg a day but I really didn't want to have to take it again. I have an appointment to see her and have additional lab work done on October 3rd. It will be at that meeting that we discuss and/or decide what the next step is.
Well, I am going to rest my aching arms.
Thanks for checking in.
Kris
Here's my quote for the day: "A hero is no braver than an ordinary person, but he is brave five minutes longers." -Ralph Waldo Emerson-
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
This was the bible verse displayed on the back of the tshirt of a team of walkers raising money for Childrens Hospital of Wisconsin in the Briggs and Al's Run and Walk yesterday. Together the walkers and runners raised over a million dollars.
The back of the "Team Luebke" tshirt which we wore with great pride reads "This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." Amazing how a very young family going through a very hard time with their son can start every day with this bible verse and how the one little life of Nathaniel, with all our hopes and dreams and prayers behind him has made it easy to share God's love with perfect strangers.
I walked 3 miles yesterday. It truly wore me out, but I did it. I made it to the finish line. Although I am quite exhausted even today, I feel really great about this accomplishment and look forward to pushing myself to physical limits again and again.
Be thankful for everything you have, and everything you don't have.
Thanks for checking in.
More to follow...
Kris B
This was the bible verse displayed on the back of the tshirt of a team of walkers raising money for Childrens Hospital of Wisconsin in the Briggs and Al's Run and Walk yesterday. Together the walkers and runners raised over a million dollars.
The back of the "Team Luebke" tshirt which we wore with great pride reads "This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." Amazing how a very young family going through a very hard time with their son can start every day with this bible verse and how the one little life of Nathaniel, with all our hopes and dreams and prayers behind him has made it easy to share God's love with perfect strangers.
I walked 3 miles yesterday. It truly wore me out, but I did it. I made it to the finish line. Although I am quite exhausted even today, I feel really great about this accomplishment and look forward to pushing myself to physical limits again and again.
Be thankful for everything you have, and everything you don't have.
Thanks for checking in.
More to follow...
Kris B
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Happy, happy, happy
It has been weeks since we have had a home computer, therefore also weeks since I have provided you with an update.
Well, let me bring you up to speed.
September lab numbers just came in....
I talked with Dr. Cohen today. The muscle inflammation number is continuing to creep up. She gently reminds me that prednisone is what will help control that number and I keep doing my best to wait and see what will happen in the next months lab numbers. Some numbers report higher than they are suppose to be while others are lower than they should be but I am still feeling pretty good.
I said to someone the other day that I am working on getting over a "pass/fail" sort of feeling when the lab results come in. Really I have no control over that and I should focus and concentrate on those things I can control.
One of the side effects of the drugs and the disease has been weight gain. I recommitted recently to focus on those things I can control and guess what....
I chose what I put into my body. I went back to the support of Weight Watchers meetings and in three weeks I lost a grand total of 1 pound. I would be kidding you if this didn't disappoint me a little bit however my new mantra related to weight loss is "as long as it takes" I am in it to win.
My quote for you today is
"From a good beginning, all else flows." -Dan Millman, author and motivational speaker
For those of you who are fortunate enough to know my mom and dad, you know that they gave me a good beginning and it is from there that all else flows.
From there, the next good beginning came the day I joined my life to Bill's. This is not an easy time but we are holding on to each other and sometimes holding each other up. Many things can be thrown out of our boat to keep us floating but we've agreed it won't be each other.
Thanks again for checking in. Now that I have a home computer again I will be back sooner rather than later. Can I ask one more thing from you....please say a prayer for Nathaniel. He got his third bone marrow transplant yesterday and we pray it is the one that brings to him a long, healthy, happy life.
Kris
Well, let me bring you up to speed.
September lab numbers just came in....
I talked with Dr. Cohen today. The muscle inflammation number is continuing to creep up. She gently reminds me that prednisone is what will help control that number and I keep doing my best to wait and see what will happen in the next months lab numbers. Some numbers report higher than they are suppose to be while others are lower than they should be but I am still feeling pretty good.
I said to someone the other day that I am working on getting over a "pass/fail" sort of feeling when the lab results come in. Really I have no control over that and I should focus and concentrate on those things I can control.
One of the side effects of the drugs and the disease has been weight gain. I recommitted recently to focus on those things I can control and guess what....
I chose what I put into my body. I went back to the support of Weight Watchers meetings and in three weeks I lost a grand total of 1 pound. I would be kidding you if this didn't disappoint me a little bit however my new mantra related to weight loss is "as long as it takes" I am in it to win.
My quote for you today is
"From a good beginning, all else flows." -Dan Millman, author and motivational speaker
For those of you who are fortunate enough to know my mom and dad, you know that they gave me a good beginning and it is from there that all else flows.
From there, the next good beginning came the day I joined my life to Bill's. This is not an easy time but we are holding on to each other and sometimes holding each other up. Many things can be thrown out of our boat to keep us floating but we've agreed it won't be each other.
Thanks again for checking in. Now that I have a home computer again I will be back sooner rather than later. Can I ask one more thing from you....please say a prayer for Nathaniel. He got his third bone marrow transplant yesterday and we pray it is the one that brings to him a long, healthy, happy life.
Kris
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